If your answer to this question is yes, you're not alone. In this blog, I'll explore why so many of us struggle with low self-confidence and how a simple solution can help you build it.
Self-confidence in a productivity-driven society: understanding the causes and finding solutions
In today's world, self-confidence seems to be in short supply. It's something many people desperately seek. But why is that? Why might you struggle with self-doubt despite your external achievements and the recognition you receive? To answer these questions, we need to take a closer look at the structures of our society and understand how they shape the way we see ourselves.
The productivity trap: how our worth is measured by our performance
We live in a time when productivity and success take top priority. Your performance at work, your fitness goals and your ability to be constantly present as a partner or parent are all used as measures of your worth as a person. From an early age, you learn that what you achieve defines who you are. Success isn't just rewarded; it's expected. Failure, meanwhile, is sometimes interpreted as a personal weakness.
This fixed focus on external achievement leaves many of us driven by an ideal that's almost impossible to attain. You want to be perfect in your career, your relationships and your everyday life. And when you fall short of that ideal, your inner critic starts to grow louder. You feel inadequate, incapable, perhaps even worthless.
Just yesterday, the latest round of our Mental Strength training programme got underway. A striking number of participants said they would like to have more self-confidence. That prompted me to bring together everything I know about the subject in this blog.
Inner experiences: the neglected side of how we see ourselves
In our performance-driven society, we learn surprisingly little about our inner experiences. Our education focuses on acquiring new skills, but rarely addresses topics such as energy management, setting boundaries, developing a healthy self-image or dealing with challenges and self-doubt. While we work hard to present ourselves at our best on the outside, our relationship with ourselves, our emotional wellbeing and our mental clarity often suffer. It's as though, collectively, we've forgotten how to listen to ourselves: to our needs, our limits, our strengths and our weaknesses.
This neglect leads to a distorted self-image. You often fail to recognise what you're genuinely good at because you're too busy chasing the next goal. At the same time, you may struggle to acknowledge your weaknesses because you're afraid they'll diminish your worth in the eyes of others.
The consequence: fragile self-confidence
These circumstances create fragile self-confidence. It is built on external achievements and can easily crumble when they don't materialise or are criticised. Stable, healthy self-confidence, on the other hand, grows from an honest and realistic self-image: the ability to accept and appreciate yourself, with all your strengths and weaknesses.
The key to healthy self-confidence: an honest self-image
When I ask people what builds self-confidence, most point to past successes. I'm not convinced. Otherwise, how would we explain the fact that so many successful people still struggle with self-doubt?
I believe in something else. It may sound almost too simple, but in my work as a coach, it has become one of the most transformative tools I use. An honest self-image, one that celebrates your strengths and accepts your «weaknesses» as part of who you are, is the foundation of self-confidence. Because when you're faced with difficult situations that put your confidence to the test, you can draw on your strengths while acknowledging your weaknesses.
Does that sound too simple? Let me give you an example. In one of my recent tennis matches, I was trailing against an opponent who was less skilled than me. I wasn't playing my best tennis, and I knew I needed to regain my mental focus if I wanted to win. So I took stock of my strengths in that situation. Tactically, I could vary my game, disrupt her rhythm by attacking more and coming to the net. And what were my weaknesses? Hitting winners and, equally, keeping the ball in play for longer. Yet that was exactly what I'd been doing in the games leading up to that point.
These thoughts helped me focus on what I could do well and immediately change my tactics. At the same time, I realised that in the previous games I'd been relying too heavily on aspects of my game that were less developed. That was precisely how I'd fallen behind.
What's interesting is that taking an honest look at my weaknesses didn't undermine my confidence at all. Instead, it simply showed me that we sometimes put ourselves in situations where we spend too much time doing what we're not good at, rather than focusing on what we do well.
Does this make sense? Can you think of an example from your own life where you could apply this model of an honest self-image?
A simple guide to building self-confidence
Answer the following questions about your strengths:
What are my greatest achievements in life, and which abilities helped me achieve them?
Which activities come naturally to me and give me energy?
What positive feedback do I consistently receive from others?
Which challenges have I successfully overcome, and what helped me do so?
In which situations do I feel particularly confident, and why?
What skills or talents do I have that I tend to underestimate?
Which of my past achievements am I particularly proud of?
Answer the following questions about your weaknesses:
Which recurring difficulties or challenges do I experience, and why?
Which skills or areas of knowledge would I like to improve or develop?
In which areas do I often feel insecure or overwhelmed?
What negative feedback have I received, and how can I learn and grow from it?
Which habits would I like to change or let go of?
Which opportunities for personal development have I missed so far, and why?
Which aspects of my personality would I like to develop further (e.g. empathy or assertiveness)?
Taking the time to explore these questions honestly and accepting your weaknesses will help you develop a more realistic self-image. Embracing your weaknesses and seeing them as part of who you are creates acceptance. This awareness is the foundation of self-confidence.
But there's more. When you find yourself in a challenging situation, or anticipate one, ask yourself: What am I good at in this situation? What am I less good at? Then focus on what you can do well.
It may sound simple, but it changes everything. You approach situations with greater self-confidence and no longer need to fear or avoid them. This, in turn, helps quiet your inner critic.
Self-acceptance takes courage. It means looking at yourself honestly and accepting that you're not perfect, and don't have to be. It's about living in alignment with who you are, rather than constantly comparing yourself with others or chasing an unattainable ideal.
One thing worth noting: I deliberately use the word weaknesses rather than simply referring to areas for development. I believe it's a strength to be able to acknowledge our weaknesses, and sometimes even choose not to work on them. Otherwise, we risk becoming mediocre generalists who aren't particularly good at anything.
A weakness is allowed to remain a weakness. I therefore like to complement my own abilities by working with people whose strengths lie in areas where I'm less capable. This creates wonderful synergies and allows me to focus on what I find truly fulfilling!
How training and coaching can help you build self-confidence
As a coach, my role is to help you develop this honest self-image. Through targeted reflection, feedback and support, we can work together to help you recognise and appreciate your strengths, accept your weaknesses and learn to see them not as obstacles, but as opportunities for growth.
Let's break free from the constraints of our productivity-driven society and set out on the path towards authentic, lasting self-confidence. The journey may be challenging, but the reward is worth it: a life in which you feel at ease with yourself and no longer depend on external achievements to feel worthy. A life in which you know who you truly are, and feel confident in that knowledge.
This blog post is intended not only to inspire reflection, but also to encourage action. Self-confidence isn't something you simply achieve once and for all. It's an ongoing process that requires care and attention. If you'd like to take this journey, I'll be there to support you as your coach. Sign up for the next Mental Strength training programme! Short on time? Work through the exercises independently with this guide!
P.S. By the way, I won the tennis match with my new tactics!