More than five years ago, I became a mother. People often ask me how I manage to juggle everything, whether I've become more forgetful since pregnancy or find it harder to concentrate. In fact, I've experienced quite the opposite: my ability to prioritise has improved enormously, I focus more effectively and I'm more efficient. If you're expecting a baby or are already a mother, I'm convinced that motherhood can make you better at what you do. And even if you've already experienced some of its less positive effects, you can train your brain with targeted strategies. In this blog, I'll show you how.
Liebe werdende Mutter und (frischgebackene) Mama Herzlichen Glückwunsch zu dieser aufregenden und lebensverändernden Phase! Und an jede Mutter, die diese Wahnsinnsaufgabe schon länger meistert: Ich bewundere dich. Wahrscheinlich hast auch du schon vom berüchtigten «Mama-Hirn» gehört, das angeblich dazu führt, dass Mütter vergesslicher und weniger konzentriert sind. Doch lass dich nicht verunsichern! Die Wissenschaft zeigt ein differenziertes Bild mit viel positiven Befunden und gibt Anlass zur Freude und Zuversicht, was ich aus eigener Erfahrung bestätigen kann. In meiner gestrigen Instagram-Umfrage wolle ich von euch wissen: Wer von euch empfindet, dass euer Hirn negativ von der Schwangerschaft oder Geburt beeinflusst ist? Diese Zahlen haben sich ergeben:
So even here, we see a nuanced picture, which raises plenty of questions for me. What happens to our brains during pregnancy and after giving birth? Are some of the negative symptoms we may experience simply the result of sleep deprivation and increased demands, and do they eventually fade and return to normal? And what can you do as a mother to stay mentally sharp during this time and regain your full strength? In this blog, I'll share the information and reflections I've gathered in my search for answers.
The positive science behind «mum brain»
1. Hormonal magic and changes in the brain
During pregnancy and after giving birth, you go through a veritable hormonal rollercoaster. These hormonal changes bring about structural adaptations in your brain, particularly in areas responsible for empathy, emotional regulation and social understanding. These adaptations aren't impairments. They help optimise your brain for your new role as a mother.
Although I personally found these hormonal shifts challenging for many weeks, they eventually paid off. For a while, especially after I stopped breastfeeding, I felt quite disoriented. But since then, I don't think I've ever been more focused or better able to concentrate. I find it easier to focus on what really matters, say no and stand up for myself. Could this be linked to the changes in my brain?
2. Improved concentration and efficiency
Many mothers report feeling much more efficient and focused after having a child. These experiences aren't isolated cases. Scientific research suggests that motherhood can improve our ability to prioritise and multitask. You quickly learn to make the most of your time and focus on what matters, because you're constantly juggling multiple tasks.
In my view, being a mother involves a great deal of organisation, and things become easier when you can make good decisions quickly. For example, I find it much easier to make clear, long-term arrangements about who looks after our daughter and when, rather than having to work this out week by week. Though, strictly speaking, this has more to do with trying to reduce my cognitive load.
3. Long-term benefits
I've also read that these positive changes don't stop once your child has outgrown nappies. Studies suggest that the cognitive improvements you experience as a mother can last well beyond the early years. This means you may continue to benefit from an enhanced ability to solve problems and manage complex tasks in the future.
This reflects my own experience, too. Since becoming a mother, I've found that my capacity has continued to grow. In other words, I'm able to take on more and achieve more, and I mean that in the most positive sense. Not just in terms of productivity (see also my blog on socially acceptable, hidden addictions), but also when it comes to my patience and my capacity to love. Because I believe that, ultimately, this will always be the most important task we have as mothers and parents.
The reality: many of you are experiencing difficulties
Rather than worrying about «mum brain», I'd encourage you to embrace these changes as a natural and positive part of becoming a mother. The adaptations in your brain don't just help you become a more loving and understanding mother. They may also enhance your professional and personal abilities.
Of course, I also want to acknowledge that many mothers feel negatively affected by pregnancy or childbirth. So I asked some of you how this has affected your everyday lives. Here's what I learned:
Forgetfulness and difficulty concentrating: Some of you described becoming more forgetful and struggling to concentrate after giving birth, particularly as a result of sleep deprivation and the enormous adjustment to a new way of life. Chronic sleep deprivation can have a significant impact on cognitive function, including memory, decision-making and reaction times. One acquaintance wrote: «When I returned to work, I found it difficult to concentrate on my tasks. I had to make countless notes and write everything down because I kept losing my train of thought.»
Exhaustion and difficulty making decisions: Some of you told me that you feel so exhausted that making clear decisions has become difficult and your reaction times have generally slowed down, for example when driving. I can relate to the exhaustion. I vividly remember being so drained for weeks, around five months after giving birth, that tidying and cleaning our kitchen island felt like an impossible task.
Persistently elevated stress levels: Some of you shared that your stress levels were, or still are, chronically high. Prolonged activation of the stress response can overload the nervous system and make it harder to relax and recover. A friend wrote: «I often felt overwhelmed, especially when my daughter cried a lot. Constantly worrying about her wellbeing completely drained me mentally.» Chronic stress is known to impair cognitive function and increase the risk of anxiety and depression, partly because it can disrupt the balance of neurotransmitters such as serotonin, dopamine and noradrenaline.
Your feedback has made me realise that, five and a half years after my daughter's birth, I may already have a somewhat idealised view of my own «mum brain». Since my daughter started kindergarten, I've had more time for myself, work less in the evenings after she goes to sleep, exercise more regularly and generally have more opportunities to look after myself. It wasn't always like this. In the months after giving birth, I was so exhausted that I could barely manage everyday tasks for weeks.
What can (and must) we mothers do for ourselves? Train your mind as well as your pelvic floor
Whether you feel your mum brain has improved or taken a hit, one thing is true for all of us: we can (and must) train our brains! Just as we work on rebuilding our pelvic floor and other parts of our bodies after giving birth, we can do far more for our brains than we might think. And even though I often have a rather idealistic and optimistic «anything is possible» attitude, my many coaching sessions with mothers have taught me that real change is possible and that no one has to live indefinitely with the negative effects of mum brain.
This brings me to an important realisation: the problem isn't that there are no ways to train our brains. The problem is that we don't know about them, or simply forget to make brain training a priority. Opportunities for mental training aren't nearly as common or visible as pelvic floor classes. Just as physical fitness isn't only about the muscles below your neck, and we should also be paying attention to face yoga (because we have around 43 muscles in our faces that we often completely overlook), we need to train our mental muscles just as deliberately as our physical ones.
How? Here are my top three tips, all of which have stood me in good stead over the past five years and helped me keep my mind fit:
Reduce your «mental load»: Cut down on the number of decisions you have to make each day. For example, plan your meals for the whole week on Sunday and do one weekly shop, rather than having to decide what to cook and go shopping every day, often under pressure and when everyone is hungry. The same applies to fixed childcare days and pick-up times, which allow you to plan your week in advance. Any additional tasks that aren't important can be delegated or simply left undone. This takes the courage to let some things slide and to lower certain expectations, such as how tidy you want your home to be.
Know who you are: I love my daughter more than anything. Even after five and a half years, I still find myself missing her around lunchtime on working days. At the same time, I've realised that I'm not just a mother. I'm also a woman with my own needs who sometimes needs time to herself. Don't forget what gives you energy, and make time for it. This also applies to your physical surroundings: do you have a retreat or a space of your own where no one else can leave a mess? And if the only place you can retreat to is within yourself, meditation, whether guided or unguided, is a wonderful way to train your mind. It can bring calm and a sense of freedom even in the midst of the greatest chaos. Just a few minutes of meditation a day can have a remarkable effect on your brain, supporting lasting changes in neural connections. This may help counter some of the negative effects of pregnancy and childbirth, while also restoring a sense of calm and replenishing your energy.
Sleep your way to a fitter mind: Sleep is an absolute superpower. Since having my daughter, I've got into the habit of going to bed very early with her. Even today, sleep remains my greatest source of energy, particularly the deep and REM sleep phases. My WHOOP tracker helps me stay consistent and work towards long-term goals. So remember: sleep gives you more than another Netflix episode, although I understand that sometimes a little distraction is exactly what you need.
These are my top three strategies for staying mentally fit and ready for whatever life brings. What helps you stay mentally on top of things? Leave me a comment below. I'd love for us to support and inspire one another!
And if you'd like to take things further, have a look at my upcoming Mental Strength training programme in August! I'll guide you through the programme and help you train your mind. In September, the next round of Focus Forward also begins. It's a must for any mum who wants to rethink her direction, shape her vision for life and turn it into action, so she can reconnect with her full potential.
And one final word of encouragement to all expectant mothers: trust yourself and the remarkable abilities of your brain. You're better prepared than you think, and you'll find your way through motherhood and all the other areas of your life. Even better, you'll discover new and wonderful sides of yourself and grow beyond what you thought possible. ♡
Sources
Kim, P., & Strathearn, L. (2016). "Motherhood and the brain: Changes in neural circuits and hormone levels." Journal of Neuroendocrinology.
Hoekzema, E., et al. (2017). "Pregnancy leads to long-lasting changes in human brain structure." Nature Neuroscience.
Barba-Müller, E., et al. (2019). "Brain plasticity in pregnancy and the postpartum period: Links to maternal caregiving and mental health." Archives of Women's Mental Health.
Glynn, L. M., et al. (2016). "Pregnancy affects maternal brain structure and function." Behavioral Neuroscience.
Kinsley, C. H., & Lambert, K. G. (2006). "The maternal brain." Scientific American.