Could you live without your computer or smartphone? Without WhatsApp? In this blog post, I reflect on three years of living without WhatsApp. I explore how I've «lost friends» but gained time. I also consider how to use my phone more intelligently and resist digital temptations. Recently, I came across a sentence that left a lasting impression on me and inspired me to rethink my habits. And what follows is a rather different realisation from the one I expected.
Aren't we all a little more addicted than we think?
I decided to run a little thought experiment: which material possessions could I not, or would I not want to, live without? My phone and laptop quickly made it to the top of the list. Do contact lenses count, too, I wonder? And the mattress I sleep on? Either way, my iPhone definitely makes my «top 20», because it makes my life easier and I like feeling connected.
But what about all the things my smartphone can do that don't actually make my life easier? The things that clutter it, create chaos and constantly interrupt me?
The endless messages, social media, unsolicited suggestions. And then there are the habits that creep in when I'm not paying attention: scrolling through Instagram during short breaks, outsourcing my sense of direction to GPS, or not bothering to think things through because Google and ChatGPT are always within reach.
So I started asking myself: When is my smartphone useful, and when does it get in the way? When does my digital consumption become unhealthy, or even develop into an addiction or something close to it?
Here are a few questions I asked myself:
When do I reach for my phone even though I have no particular reason to?
Why do I constantly have my phone in my hand?
How does my phone affect my mood and well-being?
Am I wasting time on my phone that I could spend doing something else?
How do I feel when I don't have my phone with me or can't find it?
My conclusion? I carry my smartphone around too much. I'm still too focused on not missing out, even though I've switched off most notifications and left WhatsApp, Facebook and other social media platforms.
I wouldn't describe myself as addicted. At home, I often leave my phone lying around and, after a while, can't even remember where it is. Still, there's plenty of room for improvement in how I use it.
What about you?
When I'm on my phone, I'm disconnected from myself
As I try to improve my phone habits, I keep coming back to one question: what does my phone actually do for me, and where does it simply distract me? The answer is surprisingly straightforward. There are plenty of practical things I wouldn't want to give up: buying tickets online, hopping on a TIER e-scooter between appointments or looking up addresses. By contrast, it's social media and messaging apps that distract me from myself.
When I'm looking at other people's lives or consuming content, I'm not connected to myself.
I came across this idea in a personal account written by a woman who considered herself addicted to her phone. She sold her smartphone and bought a basic mobile phone instead. A year later, she reflected on the experience and realised, among many other things, how much clearer her mind had become. She felt calmer and more focused, and noticed that she was more present and empathetic in conversations. Her experience inspired me.
I also discovered that she's far from alone. More and more people are choosing to give up their smartphones. Apparently, actor Chris Pine doesn't own one. He prefers not to be constantly reachable in his free time. Anna Wintour is another example. The editor-in-chief of American Vogue is known for using a basic phone without internet access. She prefers to stay present and focused.
This made me think about what happens when I reach for my phone without any particular reason, just to check Instagram or my emails for the fifth time, even though I looked at them five minutes ago:
I'm distracting myself from my own inner world. I'm not feeling what I'm feeling. I'm not thinking about how to develop the ideas I have. I'm not being creative. I'm not sensing my body.
This realisation hurts, because until now, I've never considered my phone habits to be competing with my connection to myself.
Is there any research on this?
I looked for evidence of psychological disconnection from oneself as a result of excessive smartphone use. Here's what I found:
Research by Harvard-affiliated researchers suggests that smartphone use before bedtime, particularly excessive social media use, is associated with poorer sleep quality and taking longer to fall asleep.
Studies such as those conducted at California State University, Fullerton, suggest that being constantly reachable via smartphone can increase stress and anxiety.
I couldn't find any explicit research on psychological disconnection from oneself. Instead, I came across studies examining social interactions. For example, research from Virginia Tech found that simply having a smartphone present during social situations can reduce the quality and depth of conversations. This can undermine empathy and a sense of connection.
All of this makes sense, and it's helpful to remind myself of these findings.
Why I left WhatsApp in 2021: losing «friends», gaining time
Of course, the realisation that my phone isn't always doing me good is nothing new. Three years ago, one evening in Lenzerheide, I decided to leave WhatsApp, primarily to reclaim my time. The sheer volume of messages I could no longer keep up with was stressing me out. Even though I ignored most group chats, I often spent more than an hour at my computer in the evening replying to messages, some of which had been sitting unanswered for weeks. I decided there were better ways to spend my time.
But my decision also affected the people around me. My tennis team, for example, had to switch to an iMessage group chat. Communicating via SMS with Android users proved more complicated. People asked whether I used Threema, Telegram or another messaging app. No, I didn't. Otherwise, I'd simply have shifted the problem elsewhere.
I admit that communicating with me became rather inconvenient for many people. Other chats concerning my daughter were also on WhatsApp, so people had to contact me individually whenever something important came up.
After a while without WhatsApp, I gradually lost touch with some more distant acquaintances altogether. Is that a bad thing? No. I still think of some of them and «send them good thoughts». I gained time because my phone use dropped dramatically. It took a little effort over the following months and some determination not to go back, especially when I was often the only one without WhatsApp.
Back to the present, three years after making that decision, I'm still thinking about how to feel more connected to myself and spend more time on the things that fulfil me.
And then I realise something rather ordinary, yet completely unexpected.
I'm not addicted to my smartphone. I'm addicted to something else.
After all this reflection, I realise that there isn't much room for improvement when it comes to my phone habits. I could use Instagram a little less, but I still use it so infrequently that changing the way I use it wouldn't give me much extra time or significantly improve my quality of life.
And then it suddenly dawns on me: I'm not addicted to my phone. I'm addicted to my computer. Anyone who knows me knows that if I have a 15-minute journey ahead of me, my computer comes along. Because there are so many things I can get done in those precious 15 minutes. And even allowing myself some leeway because I'm a mother, run two businesses and have a wide range of interests and ambitions, I have to admit it: I'm addicted to my computer. More precisely:
I'm addicted to productivity.
This addiction is no better than excessive smartphone use, even if society considers it perfectly acceptable. After all, productivity and being busy are status symbols in our culture: the more stressed you are, the more important you must be. I must be very important.
The urge to fill every spare minute cuts me off from myself just as much. And while growth and personal development are values that drive me and matter deeply to me, spending so much time on my computer isn't doing me any good. Not because I need to rest and recharge, but because I want to discover other sides of myself. Because I know I'm more creative when I don't fill every single minute.
So the answer to the question of what I should optimise next in my digital habits has nothing to do with my smartphone use. It's about my obsession with productivity, which I primarily feed through my computer. How can I find a healthier relationship with my computer and with my deeply ingrained tendency to fill every spare minute? My original question about «Digital Detox» or «Digital Mindfulness» shifts from a tactical one to a question of mindset. How do I want to spend my time? If productivity and personal development are no longer my «highest priorities», what value takes their place?
Motivations, values and conditioning: these are deeply ingrained patterns. Changing them takes more than a few superficial, cosmetic adjustments. I therefore need to make a decision that addresses the underlying motivations.
Meeting myself instead of chasing productivity
I make a decision:
I want to create, not react. My calendar is optimised down to the last five minutes, and I spend my days chasing meetings and minutes. This leaves me with little room to explore new ideas or be creative.
Instead, I want to create space in my life, consciously leaving time unfilled so I can tune in to myself and pursue what I truly want. When I'm 80, sitting on a bench and my grandchildren ask me about my life, I won't proudly say: “I was productive! I made use of every spare minute!” Instead, I want to be able to say: “I lived a fulfilling life and followed my heart.”
Of course, I'll keep working because I love what I do. But I want to create more room for creativity. This will take a series of decisions and actions:
Plan better: I need to approach my projects differently. Experience has taught me that I tend to underestimate how much time they will take and take on too many projects. This also means finding the courage to say no.
Create breathing space: I'll block out half-days in my calendar when I don't schedule any appointments, as well as entire days, weekends or weeks that I deliberately keep free to make time for other things.
Set boundaries: At the end of each working day, I'll consciously shut down my computer, drawing a mental line under the endless to-do lists running through my head. I'll also need to silence my inner saboteurs, the voices that try to convince me I'm worthless if I'm not being productive.
Be brave: I'll stop taking my computer everywhere, even though, I have to admit, I feel rather exposed without it. I'd almost rather leave the house without make-up.
This example shows that lasting change takes more than behavioural tactics, whatever it is you're trying to transform. I'm certainly curious to discover what else I might find when I stop hiding behind my computer all the time. Greater mindfulness and presence? Deeper conversations? Less stress? Rediscovering old hobbies or finding new ones?
Understand the motivation and you'll go a long way
I'd encourage you to undertake the same kind of self-analysis that I've explored in this blog. Reflect on your relationship with your digital devices. Whatever your addiction or the habit you'd like to change, here are the insights I've gained that might support you on your own journey:
Define the problem: What behaviour do you want to change? For example, the way you use your smartphone or computer.
Identify the motivation: What underlying motivation drives or reinforces this behaviour? For example, the desire for connection or the urge to be productive.
Define your guiding principle: What do you want for yourself? What do you choose to prioritise? For example, more breathing space or greater creativity.
Adjust your behaviour: What changes do you need to make to the way you act in order to live differently? For example, blocking out time in your calendar and planning your projects differently.
This will take you a long way! Many people try to create change by starting with step 4. But it's steps 1 to 3 that enable lasting personal growth. I wish you every success and fulfilment as you embark on your next transformation!
P.S. I actually wrote this blog with this very view in front of me. Does that contradict everything I've just said, given that I brought my computer along? Not at all. I was being creative and writing because I genuinely wanted to. And I deliberately chose a beautiful place to do it.